‎A few days ago, I realized that I've never come across a group like this on Facebook. How can that be?

Well, here it is!

You know you're Jewish when...
1. You have at least one set of relatives with names ending in Berg, Witz, Stein, or Man*
2. You know how to spell yarmulke
3. You know the difference between Askenazi, Sephardic, Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, MoDox, Reconstructionist, etc
4. You know that Jews for Jesus aren't really Jews
5. You've been to sleep away camp
6. You know a plethora of Yiddish words but can't define them in any language but Yiddish
7. It doesn't matter if you're religious or not, you know some of the Birkat HaMazon
8. You live in NY, Cali, or South Florida...or have family that do
9. There's no better way to break a fast than bagels, lox, and cream cheese
10. You've done either Nfty, USY, BBYO, or Young Judea
11. Your grandma makes the BEST matzo ball soup no matter what anyone else says
12. You run on Jewish/Israeli Standard Time
13. You're a master at Jewish Geography
14. You're related to at least one doctor, lawyer, and accountant
15. You can identify even the most "closetted" celebrity Jews (Harry Potter and Sean Paul!!!)
16. You have at least one relative with the name Ruth, Rose, or Murray
17. You have a Pavlovian response to "Sheket b'Vakasha!" (hey!)
18. You worship Kosher for Passover Coca Cola
19. You love a bargain
20. You have excellent Jew-dar
21. You have a Jewish mother (who calls you a million times because your sister told her that you might have a cold...)
22. For girls: You've accepted the fact that you either are or will be a Jewish mother someday
23. Challah is Hashem's gift to mankind
24. Gefilte fish makes you throw up unless you're 50+
25. You sport a Jew-fro
26. You know a Jew-ban is not a ban on Jews...it's your neighbor Carlos Cohen who moved from Cuba a while back
27. You love that OJ Simpson isn't a Jew.
28. You love that Natalie Portman is.
29. You say "Oy vey" constantly
30. You eat Chinese food and go to the movies on Christmas.
31. You'll one day find yourself on JDate
32. Your grandma always said you were too thin.
33. Your mother always said you were fat.
34. You cherish corn beef on rye.
35. You've pelted a 13 year old with Sunkists (at his Bar Mitzvah)
36. You know what a "jewish accent" is...and it really has nothing to do with where you are from
37. Your Yiddishe grandmother talks like Yoda ("Was it good, the chicken soup?"
38. When your goyishe friends hang out in the 'burbs, you hang out with the 'bergs.
39. You try to include Yiddish words into Scrabble.
40. Your family has owned at least one BMW, Mercedes, Lexus, and/or Volvo...with a Hadassah or Support the IDF/Israel sticker in your mom's rear windshield
41. You can identify with the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"
42. Your mother makes you clean for the cleaning lady.
43. You know and understand what Borat is REALLY saying!

*man with ONE n!

And now, thanks to Shushana Djavaheri, the long wait is over for Sephardim:

You know you are a Sephardic/Mizrahi Jew when...
1. Your family keeps trying to set you up with any and all men, starting with your cousins!
2. 15 years later...they still don't understand why you didn't want to marry your 40 year old, hairier than a bear, first cousin
3. At your friend's first son’s Brit Milah, you keep wondering who this Moyal guy is...where's the Mohel?!?
4. At your Ashkanazi friend's house, you wonder why the ball of 'fish' is giggling on your plate
5. Two men kissing each others' cheeks hello and goodbye, is ordinary for you
6. You suffer from vertigo from doing a 15 minute horah at your Ashkenazi friend's wedding! Where's the belly dancing?!?
7. You have to explain to your Ashkenazi friends that yes, there really is no horah at a traditional Sephardi wedding! And yes, there usually is some sort of belly dancing!
8. You don't know why your mom's yummy ‘Ghondi’ is not is all the 'Jewish' cookbooks! (Ghondi is traditional Mizrahi food)
9. You are pissed because all the kosher cookbooks are labeled “Jewish Food” Cookbooks but never include any Sephardic dishes
10. When your parents are talking to you in Arabic, but your Ashkenazi friends can't tell if they are yelling at you or telling you how much they love you!
11. Your mom's pots and pans are the same size as a small bathtub!
12. You parents fled from their home country, their most prized possesions were the skewers that they used to make Kabob and those monster-sized pots & pans!
13. You have to shave twice a day, because your five-o-clock shadow shows up at noon!
14. People think you look like a terrorist, even with your kippah on!
15. You land in any/every airport and you are chosen for 'random security checks'!
16. Everything in your house is Arabic- the food, the language, the customs...and yet you are a Rabbi!
17. You have more in common with your Muslim neighbors than your Ashkanazi ones! Hey, they also have Baklavah!
18. You don’t understand, where’s the cooking part for “Gefilte Fish”?
19. You don’t understand, why anyone would eat “Gefilte Fish”
20. You have never heard of Manishevits, until you moved to the Western World.
21. Matzoh Ball is soup, is nothing more than boiled water, with salt and crumbled matzah to you
22. You are “My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

And finally,
23. Your Ashkenazi friends look at you like you are the one pronouncing Hebrew words incorrectly! I mean, what does Isroel, Shavuos and Shabbos mean?

The original source of the following is unknown, but I credit my mother with the forward (thanks Mom!)

The ETERNAL JEWISH TRUTHS or YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S TALMUD
1. The optimist sees the bagel, the pessimist sees the hole.
2. If you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish.
3. WASPs leave and never say good-bye. Jews say good-bye and never leave.
4. Twenty percent off is a bargain; fifty percent off is a mitzvah.
5. Remember, even Sandy Koufax didn't play ball on Yom Kippur.
6. Israel is the land of milk and honey; Florida is the land of milk of magnesia.
7. Never pay retail.
8. No one leaves a Jewish wedding hungry; but then again, no one leaves with a hangover.
9. And what's so wrong with dry turkey?
10. Always whisper the names of diseases.
11. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
12. The two most important words to know in any language -- "On sale."
13. Where there's smoke, there may be smoked salmon.
14. Never take a front row seat at a bris.
15. Prune danish is definitely an acquired taste.
16. Important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate-side-of-the-street parking is suspended.
17. A shmata is a dress that your boyfriend's ex is wearing.
18. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
19. There comes a time in every man's life when he must stand up and tell his mother he's an adult. This usually happens around age 45.
20. Tsuris is a Yiddish word that means your child is marrying someone whose father is a brick layer.
21. No meal is complete without leftovers.
22. What business is a yente in? Yours.
23. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a big fat Cadillac and eating dinner at four in the afternoon.

‎ (قراءة أقل)

‎A few days ago, I realized that I've never come across a group like this on Facebook. How can that be?

Well, here it is!

You know you're Jewish when...
1. You have at least one set of relatives with names ending in Berg, Witz, Stein, or Man*
2. You know how to spell yarmulke
3. You know the difference between Askenazi, Sephardic, Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, MoDox, Reconstructionist, etc
4. You know that Jews for Jesus aren't really Jews
5. You've been to sleep away camp
6. You know a...‎ (اقرأ المزيد)